Michael Bay diarrhea
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
