I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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