So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
