Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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