K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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