saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i think i have two assholes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
