i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
