When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
