i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
