i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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