i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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