everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
