I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
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You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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