Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
