I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
