that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
two words: eviction party
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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