stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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