complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
