you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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