I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
