ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think i peed on brittanys purse
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
