You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
