I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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