i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
