Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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