Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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