Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're breaking my sexual little heart
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
