miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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