don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
