cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
