you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We are two peas in an std pod
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
