11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
