I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
