is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
