i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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