I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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