So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
birth control should be required to get into college
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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