Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
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And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
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Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize