I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
