It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
