..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
