Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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