No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
