I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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