im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
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I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town