And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.