gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
my being single is dangerous.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here