well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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