we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
