I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
