we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize