I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
