I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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