Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
