i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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