I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you inspire me to be a worse person
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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