I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
