p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
