Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize