I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
