And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
